I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
