i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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