No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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