Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
