don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
