True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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