I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hippo gnu deer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
