Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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