in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
