You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
