Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
