I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
