If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
