get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
