when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
