Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
