you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
