it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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