Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
