My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
