im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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