Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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