Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
