Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
