We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
