Can i not drive my cunt home
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
