I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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