no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
