PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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