Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
