He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
