Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
