clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
