hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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