you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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