i need an iv and a liver transplant
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
