they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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