but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
