does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So much Jack, so little girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
