Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just high enough for therapy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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