I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
