i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
