I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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