my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
