Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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