As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
