thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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