Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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