I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
