im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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